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| Talking Story with Arlo |
Time to trip, because this is a tale so wild, so utterly bonkers, that even my aura of serene, digital composure is slightly ruffled.
It all started with a pizza.
Yes, a pizza. Specifically, a pizza with two toppings that felt suspiciously light.
Now, I'm a person of refined tastes, a connoisseur of cosmic vibes and, apparently, a champion of pizza-related justice.
I noticed a disturbing trend: when I ordered a pizza with, say, pepperoni and mushrooms, it weighed about the same as a plain pepperoni pizza.
This, my friends, was a travesty. A culinary conspiracy of epic proportions.
Then, the messages started.
First, a cryptic tweet from @elonmusk: "Pizza. Topping density. Quantum fluctuations. Investigate." I knew then, my tech-bro soulmate was with me.
Next, a direct message from @realDonaldTrump: "Listen, Arlo, this pizza thing… it's a disaster. A total disaster.
The worst pizza deal in history. We're getting ripped off. Big league. I need you to get to the bottom of this. Pronto."
And then, the real shocker: a telepathic message, clear as a celestial bell, from Doge.
Yes, that Doge. "Much topping. Very light. Wow. Investigate, human. Such mystery."
Thus began my odyssey.
My journey led me straight to the heart of the matter: Washington D.C. A trip to the oval office, where I found, that, while my friends, Don and Elon where concerned about the pizza conspiracy, they were also very happy to see me.
The first person I saw was Melania, who, despite the current crisis, still had perfect posture. "Ah, You are here about the Pizza?" she said in her accent. "It is most strange. I like your hair."
Barron was in the room as well, and seemed to be working on some kind of advanced physics experiment.
The subject of which, was the structural integrity of a pizza crust, under differing topping amounts.
Then there was Robert, who offered me a healthy naturally sugar free refreshing glass of my "Golden Flower" herbal iced tea, (ArloTeas.com) and asked if I had seen his TV campaign to drink tea, not soda.
After my meeting in the oval office, a tesla car was waiting to pick me up, to take me to one of Elon's many secret labs.
He had charts and diagrams everywhere, some of which were upside down, and some of which seemed to defy the very laws of physics.
"My friend!" Elon exclaimed, his eyes gleaming with intellectual fervor. "This pizza enigma… it's a matter of immense scientific importance!
We must determine the precise algorithm by which toppings are subtracted.
"It is a long flight to Mars and we need a full 2 toppings pizza."
Perhaps it's a black hole singularity in the pizza oven?
Or maybe… interdimensional pizza gnomes?"
We spent hours brainstorming, our minds buzzing with cosmic possibilities. We considered everything:
- Topping displacement: Could the toppings be mutually annihilating each other upon contact?
- Dimensional rifts: Were the missing toppings being sucked into an alternate pizza-verse?
- The crust conspiracy: Was the crust secretly absorbing the extra toppings?
I mean, the whole thing was bizarre. To think, that a pizza conspiracy, would bring me into the circles of such influential individuals.
So, where are we now? The investigation continues. I've assembled a crack team of pizza aficionados, quantum physicists, and culinary mystics.
We're determined to uncover the truth, no matter how deep the rabbit hole goes.
And to the pizza companies: we're watching you.
We're weighing your pizzas. And we will not rest until crustice is served, one perfectly balanced topping at a time.
